What if I am not Strong Enough.

The other day in Seminary our teacher had us sit in a circle. She asked us a series of questions and we all went around and answered them. The last question she asked was "What is something that people compliment you on that you don't believe about yourself". When it came to me I found myself saying something that almost came as a surprise. I said that I don't always believe people when they tell me I am strong. I explained that I have Type One Diabetes, and people frequently tell me how strong I am. And that is so confusing to me. Because I do not feel strong. I am no role model of strength. I cry. I never have perfect numbers, and despite my best efforts, I still fall short. Why. What if I am just not strong enough?

 Why do I have to wake up in the middle of the night to check my blood sugar.

Let's not even talk about the money it costs.

 And the fact that my supplies take up multiple cabinets and shelves.

Oh and more shelves in the fridge.

 And this needle may not look big but sometimes I have to bite back tears when I have to inject it.

 My fingers have battle scars, and sometimes the finger pricks hurt worse than the shots.

 These are the test strips that were just in my little tester kit.

 And I have eaten more fruit snacks in my lifetime than any other person should ever have to.

And I have a machine hooked to my pants all the time.

I most definitely do not feel strong enough to handle this. And on top of this there is a darkness that comes over sometimes. And it is ever so prevalent when I am dealing with this disease. And it takes everything in me to put on that mask of strength. Because inside it kills me. And sometimes it is so hard to understand why I have this. This can't be fair. How can it be fair that one day my life is normal, and then the next day I have to give myself shots? What if I am just not strong enough.

But What If I Am?

I can still workout. 

 I can celebrate.

 I survived a Trek! And let me tell you, giving yourself shots while wearing a dress and bloomers is definitely not easy!

 I can still go to the Temple, and feel the spirit.

 I can enjoy little moments.

 I can still explore and push myself.

 I can still do things I love to do.

 I can still have fun.

I still have an amazing support system.

And if I have learned anything, it's that tears dry, and bad days come to an end. It's okay to not be okay sometimes. And I will be the first to admit that sometimes I do not feel strong enough. And I don't want to deal with an annoying disease. And sometimes life is dark and dreary, but be patient. You will eventually see things in color. And you are strong enough. You will forever and always be strong enough. And maybe I don't know exactly why I have this trial. But Heavenly Father must know that I have enough strength. And I have faith that our Father in Heaven knows what he is doing.