Read Until The End
I've had a revelation, after living on this earth for 17 years, I've learned that life rarely goes the way we want or expect. Haha. I'm just learning that now.
I set a lot of what seemed like attainable goals in the new year, and I don't think I've accomplished any. We are three months into the year and it's been the busiest and craziest and most stressful year already. So many things have gone so contrary to how I thought they would or how I wanted them to. And at this point in my life, I feel sad. It's a sadness that I feel I can't control, and it's frustrating because I know that I want to be happy, but I struggle for control. And instead of trying to make my situation better, I've been in the dumps. Basically pitying myself.
And then on Sunday we had a lesson in Sunday school, and it was mainly about how to make the most of our church experience, but what really stood out to me was the underlying message of reaching outside of yourself. Instead of focusing on what we can get out of something for ourselves, ask yourself what you can give.
These past few months I've only thought about myself, and I can attest that I have never felt more miserable. I found no joy in crying about the things that I thought were going wrong. In every instance that my life took a different turn I found it easier to complain and be unhappy. And while that may have been easier, it made me incredibly unhappy.
And this morning I woke up and the thought of "How am I going to get through today?" actually crossed my mind. I felt no purpose. Nothing driving me to accomplish anything. I felt empty.
And then following right behind that first thought, no joke, came the words "Instead, How can I help someone else get through this day?" The words could not have come from me. Inspiration. And so today I tried it out. And it didn't go perfect, because I'm not perfect. But it went pretty dang good. And I got to help other people get through their day, and in turn, I felt like I could get through mine. It was healing.
Sometimes I think we have the mindset that if we are broken, we should focus all of our energy on ourselves, trying somehow on our own, to heal ourselves. But I've learned that healing comes when we shift our focus off of ourselves and onto others. And this is not easy. We will all have our share of days where we play sad music and cry about the way things turned out. And sometimes we need that. I never want to imply that we should fake happiness or serve others to try and gain something. I'm an advocate for the fact that service brings joy for all parties involved.
And one day this week, I had another realization, that even when we feel depression or anxiety, that darkness that seems to take all control, there can still be slivers of light. Maybe you can't feel the whole sun shining on you right now, but if you place yourself in positive environments, surrounded by good people and good music and good conversation, you can still enjoy life amidst all the overwhelming darkness. It's possible. And I know it because I've felt it this week. In embraces from family, smiles from my niece, inside jokes with friends, prayers answered, uplifting songs, conversations with old friends, in service. So maybe the light isn't quite enveloping you right now, but add all those little slivers of light together, soon enough you will be glowing. Life can be beautiful even in dark times. Look for the light. Try and be the light for others. And above all, lean on the Savior, the greatest light of all.
I set a lot of what seemed like attainable goals in the new year, and I don't think I've accomplished any. We are three months into the year and it's been the busiest and craziest and most stressful year already. So many things have gone so contrary to how I thought they would or how I wanted them to. And at this point in my life, I feel sad. It's a sadness that I feel I can't control, and it's frustrating because I know that I want to be happy, but I struggle for control. And instead of trying to make my situation better, I've been in the dumps. Basically pitying myself.
And then on Sunday we had a lesson in Sunday school, and it was mainly about how to make the most of our church experience, but what really stood out to me was the underlying message of reaching outside of yourself. Instead of focusing on what we can get out of something for ourselves, ask yourself what you can give.
These past few months I've only thought about myself, and I can attest that I have never felt more miserable. I found no joy in crying about the things that I thought were going wrong. In every instance that my life took a different turn I found it easier to complain and be unhappy. And while that may have been easier, it made me incredibly unhappy.
And this morning I woke up and the thought of "How am I going to get through today?" actually crossed my mind. I felt no purpose. Nothing driving me to accomplish anything. I felt empty.
And then following right behind that first thought, no joke, came the words "Instead, How can I help someone else get through this day?" The words could not have come from me. Inspiration. And so today I tried it out. And it didn't go perfect, because I'm not perfect. But it went pretty dang good. And I got to help other people get through their day, and in turn, I felt like I could get through mine. It was healing.
Sometimes I think we have the mindset that if we are broken, we should focus all of our energy on ourselves, trying somehow on our own, to heal ourselves. But I've learned that healing comes when we shift our focus off of ourselves and onto others. And this is not easy. We will all have our share of days where we play sad music and cry about the way things turned out. And sometimes we need that. I never want to imply that we should fake happiness or serve others to try and gain something. I'm an advocate for the fact that service brings joy for all parties involved.
And one day this week, I had another realization, that even when we feel depression or anxiety, that darkness that seems to take all control, there can still be slivers of light. Maybe you can't feel the whole sun shining on you right now, but if you place yourself in positive environments, surrounded by good people and good music and good conversation, you can still enjoy life amidst all the overwhelming darkness. It's possible. And I know it because I've felt it this week. In embraces from family, smiles from my niece, inside jokes with friends, prayers answered, uplifting songs, conversations with old friends, in service. So maybe the light isn't quite enveloping you right now, but add all those little slivers of light together, soon enough you will be glowing. Life can be beautiful even in dark times. Look for the light. Try and be the light for others. And above all, lean on the Savior, the greatest light of all.
Yes. This is my life right now, too. And it seems like every day I learn these lessons, and they still always feel new. Sometimes that’s discouraging; sometimes it’s confusing (“How did I not do that today AGAIN??”); but mostly it reminds me how amazing God is. These things that are so hard for me to learn, He knows perfectly. “Smart” is too shallow of a word for what I’m trying to describe, but it’s all I can think of. :)
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