The Honest Day in the Life of a Diabetic
I wrote a post a while back where I just wrote out my honest thoughts and feelings and I got some good feedback! Our generation in particular really struggles with letting their honest feelings out. Everybody want to portray their "best self" on social media. Vulnerability opens so many passage ways for judgement and hate and doubt. Nobody opens up anymore because they are too afraid to be seen as anything less than perfect. So we grow up keeping all of our feelings inside, because all we see are perfect Instagram and Twitter accounts, and we think we have to live up to that. Well I think that is dumb, and we all know the real truth: life is not perfect at all. I'm tired of keeping all my feelings inside. So I'm just going to let them out. Here are the complete honest thoughts that go through my head. A day in the life of a Type One Diabetic. Obviously my day isn't the same everyday, but these are pretty normal occurrences.
2 am: I wake up breathing really heavy. Why am I sweating? Honestly. This can not be happening again. Should I go turn my lights on? No. Wow I could eat the whole pantry right now. I grab my tester and test my blood sugar only to find out that my blood sugar is low. Did I keep sugar in my desk? Great, now I have to take out my retainers. Wow, now I have to use the bathroom. Great start to the day. At least my body woke itself up.
5am: I wake up at 5 every morning to get in my workout. Test my blood sugar. It's usually barely gone up or way too high. What even is a good blood sugar number. It would be awesome if I could not feeling like dying 24/7. Okay, I'm shaking. Maybe I'll just stretch. Oh wow I'm sore. Okay, I'm just going to take a shower. I unhook my pump and take a shower. It beeps at me. I GET IT I SHOULDN'T HAVE MY PUMP OFF, THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME EVERY FIVE MINUTES.
6 am: I get dressed and hook my pump back on. Either my pump does not fit under my shirt or it gets stuck in a tangle on my pants. I'm just not going to hide it anymore. People can just think I'm weird, I don't honestly care. Wow, my breath smells like fruit punch mixed with morning breath. Go me. I'm starving, so let's eat breakfast. To eat carbs, or not to eat carbs is the question. Eggs. Eggs solve all problems.
8 am: Walking to class and my legs feel shaky. If anybody talks to me right now I will cry. Or fall over. So this is how today is going to go. Oh it's on diabetes. Because I packed extra packs of fruit snacks. Wow, I need a life honestly lol.
10:45 am: Weights class. Can I use Diabetes as an excuse out. Lol, no I need to workout. Thank goodness for workout pants with built in pockets. I need to do my box jumps, but my pump keeps falling off. Working out makes me so hungry. Actually, I'm just always hungry.
12:15 pm: Go to the bathroom and test my blood sugar. Don't drop the test strips, don't drop the test strips. I prick my finger. No blood. Prick another finger. No blood. Prick the next finger and some blood comes out. I hold it up to the test strip, and it goes in. The screen pops up saying that a problem occurred, not enough blood. This is such a waste of time. Prick another finger and make sure to get a lot of blood haha, then I test. WAIT WHAT. A NUMBER IN RANGE?! I haven't seen one of those in a while. Wow, I'm pretty cool. I deserve a donut. Actually no, that will mess up my good blood sugar. The struggle.
4 pm: I go on a 45 minute walk with my mom. For some ridiculous reason I always get low at the same time during the walk everyday. My legs are shaking. NO. No, no no no no no no. Maybe it's just the workout. Okay seriously. I just went on a walk to burn calories and I have to eat them all back now. Honestly, why do I try. There are so many better things that I could eat. I hate fruit snacks. Who makes these, do they even taste test them before selling them. I can't tell if I'm sweating because of the workout, or because I'm low.
7 pm: I feel like I could eat the state of Texas. But if I eat, it will mess up bedtime blood sugar. Cheese. Yes. So glad that there are foods with no carbs.
9 pm: Getting in bed. Wow, this is so comfortable. I'm going to dream about Disneyland. Oh man this is wond.... oh crap. no. I was supposed to change my pump site tonight. Okay be calm. It only takes like three minutes, you can do this. My bed is so warm though. Ugh, whatever, I'll go change it. Oh man, I have to put my site in my stomach this time. Okay just brace yourself. Pull it back and just shoot it in quick. Okay, that wasn't too bad. Oh wait, I can't bend over. Awesome. I'm going to bed. I'm still alive, so I'm must be doing something right.
These are honestly things that go through my head haha. I am in no way trying to complain. Half of the time, I just have to laugh things off. I absolutely love my life. Although, some things could be easier, it keeps things interesting haha. It felt great to just write this down. I dare you to just let yourself be vulnerable and open with your feelings. You'll be amazed at how great you feel after letting everything you have held inside, out. Vulnerability is not very comfortable and I just opened up a lot of opportunities to be judged, and that takes courage. This is me, and I am not ashamed. Thanks for listening to my ramble, I hope you enjoyed haha.
I really like these quotes also (:
2 am: I wake up breathing really heavy. Why am I sweating? Honestly. This can not be happening again. Should I go turn my lights on? No. Wow I could eat the whole pantry right now. I grab my tester and test my blood sugar only to find out that my blood sugar is low. Did I keep sugar in my desk? Great, now I have to take out my retainers. Wow, now I have to use the bathroom. Great start to the day. At least my body woke itself up.
5am: I wake up at 5 every morning to get in my workout. Test my blood sugar. It's usually barely gone up or way too high. What even is a good blood sugar number. It would be awesome if I could not feeling like dying 24/7. Okay, I'm shaking. Maybe I'll just stretch. Oh wow I'm sore. Okay, I'm just going to take a shower. I unhook my pump and take a shower. It beeps at me. I GET IT I SHOULDN'T HAVE MY PUMP OFF, THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME EVERY FIVE MINUTES.
6 am: I get dressed and hook my pump back on. Either my pump does not fit under my shirt or it gets stuck in a tangle on my pants. I'm just not going to hide it anymore. People can just think I'm weird, I don't honestly care. Wow, my breath smells like fruit punch mixed with morning breath. Go me. I'm starving, so let's eat breakfast. To eat carbs, or not to eat carbs is the question. Eggs. Eggs solve all problems.
8 am: Walking to class and my legs feel shaky. If anybody talks to me right now I will cry. Or fall over. So this is how today is going to go. Oh it's on diabetes. Because I packed extra packs of fruit snacks. Wow, I need a life honestly lol.
10:45 am: Weights class. Can I use Diabetes as an excuse out. Lol, no I need to workout. Thank goodness for workout pants with built in pockets. I need to do my box jumps, but my pump keeps falling off. Working out makes me so hungry. Actually, I'm just always hungry.
12:15 pm: Go to the bathroom and test my blood sugar. Don't drop the test strips, don't drop the test strips. I prick my finger. No blood. Prick another finger. No blood. Prick the next finger and some blood comes out. I hold it up to the test strip, and it goes in. The screen pops up saying that a problem occurred, not enough blood. This is such a waste of time. Prick another finger and make sure to get a lot of blood haha, then I test. WAIT WHAT. A NUMBER IN RANGE?! I haven't seen one of those in a while. Wow, I'm pretty cool. I deserve a donut. Actually no, that will mess up my good blood sugar. The struggle.
4 pm: I go on a 45 minute walk with my mom. For some ridiculous reason I always get low at the same time during the walk everyday. My legs are shaking. NO. No, no no no no no no. Maybe it's just the workout. Okay seriously. I just went on a walk to burn calories and I have to eat them all back now. Honestly, why do I try. There are so many better things that I could eat. I hate fruit snacks. Who makes these, do they even taste test them before selling them. I can't tell if I'm sweating because of the workout, or because I'm low.
7 pm: I feel like I could eat the state of Texas. But if I eat, it will mess up bedtime blood sugar. Cheese. Yes. So glad that there are foods with no carbs.
9 pm: Getting in bed. Wow, this is so comfortable. I'm going to dream about Disneyland. Oh man this is wond.... oh crap. no. I was supposed to change my pump site tonight. Okay be calm. It only takes like three minutes, you can do this. My bed is so warm though. Ugh, whatever, I'll go change it. Oh man, I have to put my site in my stomach this time. Okay just brace yourself. Pull it back and just shoot it in quick. Okay, that wasn't too bad. Oh wait, I can't bend over. Awesome. I'm going to bed. I'm still alive, so I'm must be doing something right.
These are honestly things that go through my head haha. I am in no way trying to complain. Half of the time, I just have to laugh things off. I absolutely love my life. Although, some things could be easier, it keeps things interesting haha. It felt great to just write this down. I dare you to just let yourself be vulnerable and open with your feelings. You'll be amazed at how great you feel after letting everything you have held inside, out. Vulnerability is not very comfortable and I just opened up a lot of opportunities to be judged, and that takes courage. This is me, and I am not ashamed. Thanks for listening to my ramble, I hope you enjoyed haha.
Thank you for sharing that! First of all I'm am more and more impressed by you every day. You are so strong and I feel humbled to know just a little bit of what goes on in your day. I always felt that I couldn't complain because my trials don't compare to yours or others for that matter, but Jesup suffered for my struggles the same way he did yours and so I suffer as well. So many times I want to yell because of how frustrated I get during the day cause I can't live up to what everyone expects of me. I hold a lot of what I feel in and that causes major crying sessions, but in the end it's better to let yourself be yourself. Thank you again Emma! I love you so much!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing that Emily!! I needed to hear that! If you ever need to complain or let your frustrations out, give me a call! I love you and I loved your comment! Thanks for being a great example for me(:
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