The Happiest I've Ever Been
I want to start with a disclaimer: This is the most real and scary post I've ever written. I've debated posting this or not for so long, because I never want to come off as self absorbed. This post is not meant to be bragging, I'm 100% not trying to say that I am better than anyone, or that I am the master of happiness. I am being completely real with you all, and I want to look back on this post for encouragement and hope! So if you think I'm being fake and annoying, you're welcome to leave this post haha (:
But here we go! First off, if you look back on my posts on this blog, you will notice a sort of trend. Not a happy one haha. Most of my posts were depressing, and I mostly complained. And I can definitely say that I was pretty depressed a while ago. But I tried to mask it. I was a master at putting on a fake smile when needed. I drove myself into a hole. I honestly thought I couldn't talk to anyone about anything. Most nights were spent crying in my bedroom. But I would never admit this to anyone. I sat in my car before school everyday by myself, was the first one out of the school when it ended, and I never hung out with anyone. And I don't throw the word depression around like it's nothing. It's the scariest thing in the whole world. It's like watching your life move on while you sit motionless. And when I went in for my Endocrinologist appointment, my doctor suggested that I go to see a counselor. And I didn't necessarily like that idea, but it honestly got to the point where I was so done feeling the way that I did and I knew I needed help. And so I let go of some of my pride and asked for help. I started seeing a counselor, and to be honest, I kept it a secret from almost everyone because I was so embarrassed. It was one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever done, and also the most amazing decision I've ever made. I went to counseling for about 13 weeks. And honestly in the middle of it, I wanted to give up. I thought I wasn't getting anywhere. But when I said my last goodbye to my counselor just two weeks ago, she told me that it was like a new Emma was sitting in front of her. And I couldn't agree more. Just 6 months ago I was actually miserable. And now 6 months later I can honestly say that I am the Happiest I've ever been. I've found the best group of friends in the world, I say my prayers and read my scriptures daily, I've started playing the guitar again, I actually go into the school in the morning (this is a miracle, please be proud of me haha), I workout daily (I've lost almost 15 lbs! Yay!), I dance crazy in my car and don't care what anyone thinks, I quit my job (which turned out to be such a good decision), I've found people that I can actually talk to, who won't judge me, I hear the spirit prompting me more often, I have two callings and got called as Seminary Class President, I've been on dates, I actually hangout with people after school! This may sound like me bragging, but I'm honestly just trying to get the point across, that life is a rollercoaster. And if you have hit rock bottom, you literally have no other way than up. The catch is: You have to try. My counselor told me in one of our last sessions that she was so proud of me because she could tell that I really tried my hardest to put what she taught me into affect in my life. So if you are feeling like I was 6 months ago, there is hope, if you are willing to put in a little work. And if you feel like you have no one to talk to, please come to me. Because I've been there, and I want you to get to the happiest you can be. Life is not easy, and I definitely do have days when I'm stressed and mad and sad, but I've learned to not resist those feelings, let them have there time for a little bit, and then let them leave. And if you feel helpless and you don't know where to turn, God is honestly the greatest counselor (and it's free to talk to him :). God hears every prayer you pray, and he even hears the silent pleadings that come from your heart. The Savior is the ultimate source of joy, and I 100% know that he can help you with anything you struggle with. If you are going through something hard, it's a good thing. That means God knows you personally, and he knows what you need, to help you grow. He's in control, and while sometimes life seems unfair and depressing, God knows how to help you reach your happiest self. I hope this can inspire someone out there, and I hope that you know that tomorrow is a new day. God loves you. I love you. God is good!
But here we go! First off, if you look back on my posts on this blog, you will notice a sort of trend. Not a happy one haha. Most of my posts were depressing, and I mostly complained. And I can definitely say that I was pretty depressed a while ago. But I tried to mask it. I was a master at putting on a fake smile when needed. I drove myself into a hole. I honestly thought I couldn't talk to anyone about anything. Most nights were spent crying in my bedroom. But I would never admit this to anyone. I sat in my car before school everyday by myself, was the first one out of the school when it ended, and I never hung out with anyone. And I don't throw the word depression around like it's nothing. It's the scariest thing in the whole world. It's like watching your life move on while you sit motionless. And when I went in for my Endocrinologist appointment, my doctor suggested that I go to see a counselor. And I didn't necessarily like that idea, but it honestly got to the point where I was so done feeling the way that I did and I knew I needed help. And so I let go of some of my pride and asked for help. I started seeing a counselor, and to be honest, I kept it a secret from almost everyone because I was so embarrassed. It was one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever done, and also the most amazing decision I've ever made. I went to counseling for about 13 weeks. And honestly in the middle of it, I wanted to give up. I thought I wasn't getting anywhere. But when I said my last goodbye to my counselor just two weeks ago, she told me that it was like a new Emma was sitting in front of her. And I couldn't agree more. Just 6 months ago I was actually miserable. And now 6 months later I can honestly say that I am the Happiest I've ever been. I've found the best group of friends in the world, I say my prayers and read my scriptures daily, I've started playing the guitar again, I actually go into the school in the morning (this is a miracle, please be proud of me haha), I workout daily (I've lost almost 15 lbs! Yay!), I dance crazy in my car and don't care what anyone thinks, I quit my job (which turned out to be such a good decision), I've found people that I can actually talk to, who won't judge me, I hear the spirit prompting me more often, I have two callings and got called as Seminary Class President, I've been on dates, I actually hangout with people after school! This may sound like me bragging, but I'm honestly just trying to get the point across, that life is a rollercoaster. And if you have hit rock bottom, you literally have no other way than up. The catch is: You have to try. My counselor told me in one of our last sessions that she was so proud of me because she could tell that I really tried my hardest to put what she taught me into affect in my life. So if you are feeling like I was 6 months ago, there is hope, if you are willing to put in a little work. And if you feel like you have no one to talk to, please come to me. Because I've been there, and I want you to get to the happiest you can be. Life is not easy, and I definitely do have days when I'm stressed and mad and sad, but I've learned to not resist those feelings, let them have there time for a little bit, and then let them leave. And if you feel helpless and you don't know where to turn, God is honestly the greatest counselor (and it's free to talk to him :). God hears every prayer you pray, and he even hears the silent pleadings that come from your heart. The Savior is the ultimate source of joy, and I 100% know that he can help you with anything you struggle with. If you are going through something hard, it's a good thing. That means God knows you personally, and he knows what you need, to help you grow. He's in control, and while sometimes life seems unfair and depressing, God knows how to help you reach your happiest self. I hope this can inspire someone out there, and I hope that you know that tomorrow is a new day. God loves you. I love you. God is good!
❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteI so believe in the power of therapists.
I LOVE YOUR GUTS. ALSO: I REALLY NEEDED TO READ THIS TODAY.
ReplyDelete